[RACHEL02189]

A few days went by and Criss couldn't figure out why he was actting like this. Nikki's mother tried but she couldn't figure out it either. On a porch Criss was looking at the skyline. "They finally let you out" Nikki joked which made Criss smile. "I just wish I knew why I'm actting like this I had control over my depression now I'm losing it and my life as a magician is literally on the line"he replied. "Criss when did you dad pass away?"Nikki asked. "What does my father passing have to do with my depression?"Criss asked confused at the question. "Humor me Christopher"Nikki stated. "February 12 1998"he replied. "Christopher you came out about your depression to your brothers on your father's anniversary and that was the first time you had suicidal thoughts". "And I got the idea for season five on his birthday you think my father has something to do with my depression". "That's when you had your first bout of it according to your mother. Criss even thou it's been thirteen years since your father's passing you still mourn for him so much that your depression gets to a point that you want to die to be with me" Nikki stated. Criss said nothing and walked off.

[RACHEL02189]

When Criss got back to his room his mom was waiting for him. He gave his mother a hug. "How are you Christopher?"she asked. "Honestly I feel like I'm going in two different direction. One direction is telling me to forget about life, another one is telling me that I need to find out what's going on up here" pointing to his head. "Mrs. Sonnytag said that if you don't you may be staying here permently" she replied. Criss got up and looked out the window. "Nikki thinks it has to do with dad and his death"Criss stated. "Christopher I've been thinking that myself when your father died you stopped doing magic but when you went back it was like your father didn't died. I think you went back so you could stop thinking of your father's death". "But why is it hitting now I had control of it "Criss asked.

"Maybe that wall you built around your father's death is breaking and those feelings are coming back but stronger"his mother remarked. Criss sighed. "I know this is hard to relive the pain you had but maybe it's time to knock that wall down Christopher and let those emotions out" she said. "I don't know if I'm ready to let those feelings out" as a tear fell down his face. His mother got up and gave him a kiss. "I know you can Christopher"she stated. Criss gave his mother a hug and told her he loved her. "I know you do" and she left. As Dimitra was leaving she saw Nikki outside. "Nicole". Nikki turned and saw Dimitra. "Hey Dimitra how are you?" giving her a hug. "I'm doing good but I just hope that Christopher can get control of his depression" she worried. "Dimitra he just has to find a way too and I know he will" Nikki assured her. "Do me a favor Nicole I need you to look after my baby I don't want to lose him". "I'll try Dimitra" and gave her a hug one more time before she left.

That night Criss was laying in bed when a rain storm hit. Criss got up and went to the window as the rain fall. Criss could see himself back in the family home while rain could be heard outside. He walked into his father's room while everyone was surround him. Tears started to fall down Christopher's face. "You all right?". Criss turned and saw Nikki. "Nikki what are you doing here you're going to get into trouble"Criss said. She closed the door behind her. "Criss I wanted to tell you that in a few days I'm being released and I want to help you so when I get out I want to go back to my job instead of the unemployment line" she stated. "I think you're right my dad is the trigger" still looking at the rain. "Why don't you tell my mom this?". "I'm afraid to". Nikki went over to him and wiped a tear from his face. "Criss your father wouldn't be happy to know that he's the reason you want to die. You got to let go of that feeling that making the depression go from moderate to funeral so to speak". Criss smiled as Nikki left his room.

[RACHEL02189]

The next day Nikki was having breakfast as her mother walked in. "Good morning mom"she remarked. "I've heard that you've been talking with Christopher behind my back". "Mom I'm trying to help Criss as much as you are. I love Criss like a brother and I want to help him" she stated. "When I met Criss that day I saw in your eyes how worried you were for him"her mother remarked. "So what are you doing here?"she asked. "Criss wanted to talk to me I'll see you later". Her mother gave her a hug and left. In a private room Criss was pacing. The door opened and Nikki's mom walked in. "Christopher you're looking good considering the last time I saw you" as they sat down. "I've been thinking about what's going on and I think what's causing me to lose my grip on my depression" Criss stated. "What do you think it is?"she asked. "My dad's death when he passed away literally in my arms I felt lost. It felt like nothing mattered with out having my father around to watch me become what I've fought to become"Criss replied.

"That's when your first bout of depression hit" she replied. Criss nodded. "I remember just feeling like I was in this closed room with no way of getting out but after being told by my family and my mom to go back to magic I put those feelings I had and built a wall around them never to felt again" Criss remarked trying to hold back his tears. "But those feelings are breaking out"she remarked. "They would always appear around Febraury 12th and I would put them pack into the wall and fixs those cracks they came out of"Criss stated. "But it seems other cracks started to appear and the more you tried to fix those crack the more you started to feel those same feelings you had when your father passed"she replied. "But this time they were strong enough that I put my life on the line four time infront of all my fans. They were times where I would think of how I could die and make it look like an accident"Criss remarked wiping tears from his face. "Christopher losing family is the hardest thing to deal with. Nikki can tell you what happened with her when she saw her father die infront of her" she stated. Outside Nikki was wondering how Criss was doing. She knew what it felt to lose family espically a father. Maybe that's why she felt a connection to Criss. "Nicole"a voice called out. She turned around and saw her mother. "How's Christopher?" Nikki asked walking over.

"I think he's on the right road and I want to thank you for helping him get there" she remarked. Nikki gave her mother a hug. She walked over to the room where Criss had his back to the door. Nikki could hear him sniffing back tears. "Christopher" Nikki remarked. "Go away Nicole I don't want you to see me like this"he replied. She put her hand on Criss's shoulder. "What that you're human and you finally know what you're dealing with"she stated. Criss turned around as his face was tear stained. Nikki wiped Criss's face with her hand and gave Criss a hug as tears fell down both their faces

[RACHEL02189]

A couple of days later Nikki got out but Criss had to stay. Before Nikki left she told Criss to be strong and that he'd be out before he knew it. "Thanks"Criss said as Nikki gave him a hug. When Nikki got out she went to Serenity and when she got there the place was quiet. "Hammie"she called out as Nikki went to Criss's room where she found Hammie just laying on Criss's bed. She picked up Hammie and gave him a hug. "I know you miss Criss he'll be back before you know it" she said. "Who the hell are you and why are you in Criss's room!" A voice exclaimed. Standing in the door way is Sandra. "Sandra it's me Nicole Criss's assistant"she remarked putting Hammie down. "Oh now where's Criss nobody will tell me where he is". "A week ago Criss tried to kill himself and was put under a pysh hold by his brothers and his psychiatrist" she replied. "So what Criss told me is true he does have depression". "Yup and he's figured out the trigger to his depression so he's making progress"she remarked. "Nikki do you think you can take me to Christopher I need to talk to him" Sandra asked. "I can't Sandra Costa and JD didn't want anyone know about where Criss is for the fear of the press finding out" Nikki stated.

Sandra just looked at her than walked away. At JD's house he was thinking when the phone rang. "Hello" he said. "JD it's Nikki I just saw Sandra and she's wondering where Criss is". "Don't tell me you told her" he asked. "Not the whole thing but she knows that Criss is commited for his depression. JD she really wants to see Criss maybe seeing her will lift Criss's spirit" Nikki suggested. "I don't know Nikki we just want Criss to get better so he can come home". "Maybe Sandra can help somehow"she replied. "Let me think about it and I'll talk to you in the morning" he said and hung up.

[RACHEL02189]

That night Criss was looking out the window at the full moon and some of the stars. Criss couldn't stop thinking of his father and wondered if he'd be the same once he got control of his depression again. Christopher. Criss looked around but saw nobody. Then his door open and Criss walked over to the open door. When he walked out Criss was dressed in white. As he walked down the hall Criss saw other people also dressed in white. People standing in the doorway, sitting against the wall throwing Criss the peace sign and other people sitting on the nurse's station. Christopher could be heard coming from a pair of doors. Criss walked to the door and was just about to open them when he heard a baby cry. He turned and saw a little baby on the ground wrapped up. Criss went over to the baby and picked it up. The baby stopped crying and just stared at Criss. Criss looked up and saw Sandra walking over in a beautiful white dress. She walked over to Criss and gave him a kiss than put her hand on his shoulder as they looked at the baby.

Then Criss heard a smash he turned back to see Sandra and the baby were gone. Criss walked into his room to see himself on the floor with a puddle of blood. Criss saw his wrist were slashed than he saw the window was broking. "NO NO!!". Criss woke up and saw it was morning. He looked around and saw no bandages on his wrist and the window wasn't broking. Criss took a breath as the nurse came in. "I see you're up I thought I heard screaming". "No" and Criss went to get cleaned up. After he got cleaned up the nurse said he had a visitor. Criss walked out to the visitor's lounge and saw Sandra. Criss walked up to her and hugged her as tears fell down their face. "Oh I've missed you so much"she replied. "I've missed you too but how did you know where I was?"he asked. "Nikki brought me but she's going to be in trouble with your brother they wouldn't tell me where you were but she did" Sandra remarked. Standing in the doorway is Nikki who just smiled which Criss smiled back. As Sandra and Criss talked Nikki just watched when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She saw it's her mother. "Mom". "I see you brought Sandra to see Criss"she stated. "She and I had a long talk about Criss and what he's going through. She wants to help Criss as much as I do mom"Nikki replied.

As Criss and Sandra talked Criss looked up and standing there was his father in white. Criss got up and it seemed everything had stopped. "Dad" Criss said. "It's good to see you but I wanted to talk to you"he stated. "I miss you so much dad"Criss said. "I miss you, your brothers and especially your mother but Christopher you can't keep doing what you're doing. Let me go". "I don't know if I can dad everything that I've done you were always on my mind". "Christopher I'm right in here (pointing to his heart) so you don't have feel this way. You are going to have a lot of things coming to you and do me a favor keep Nikki in your life she's your angel in my book now go back to Sandra". Criss hugged his father one last time and went back to Sandra. Criss watched as his father disappeared than everything started up again. After they finished talking Criss walked over Nikki and gave her a hug. "Thanks Nicole for everything you've done"Criss said. "It's my pleasure Christopher". "You're like my angel in disguise"he said smiling which made Nikki smile back. Before Criss knew it he was finally out of the facuilty and back to his so called normal life. Criss worked hard to control his depression and with help from his friends and family including Nikki and Sandra finally got the control he needed. In the production office Criss was having a meeting when the phone rang so Jack got it. "All right I'll tell him," and hung up. "Yo Criss"he called out. "What Jack?" Criss said turning to him. "Is it time for John to make his appearance?"Costa inquired. "Yea she's on her way to the hospital so you better get going"he replied. "Wish me luck guys" as Criss grabbed his coat

"Call us when John's born and we'll start passing out the cigars"JD called out. As Criss drove to the hospital it seems everything was going his way: the lights were all green and not a lot of traffic on the road. When he got there Criss parked the car and jogged in. When he got to the the floor Sandra was there. "Hey just in time John's getting ready to come Nikki's holding on"she remarked. "Thanks for driving her Sandra" he said. "No problem I called her mom too". Criss gave his jacket to Sandra and went in. When Criss came in they were getting her ready. "You-made it"Nikki stated inbetween breath. "Do you think I'd miss this"Criss inquired walking over. "Is he the father?"the doctor asked. "No he's the god father can we get this going this kid wants out in the worest way"Nikki remarked as Criss snickered. In the waiting room Sandra and Nikki's mom were waiting. "I can't believe my daughter is having a baby". "I'm surprise she asked Criss to help her and be there when his god son would be born"Sandra added. "Think of it as pratice for when you and Criss have children" Nikki's mom replied. "Not for a while"Sandra stated. The door opened and Criss came out with the baby. "Meet John Samual" he said as the ladies walked over. "Oh my god he's so cute"Sandra said. "How's Nikki?". "Tired but good she wants to see you".

Her mother walked in as Criss sat down with the baby. "He's adorable Criss makes you want one doesn't it" she remarked. "Are you saying you're-". "No I mean when the time comes" she stated. Criss blew a sigh of relief. "Well I should bring him back to his mom"Criss replied. Criss got up and walked back in with John. That night when Criss got back to Serenity he felt happy. He sat outside in his hammock and watched the sky as he swung back and forth.

THE END...................................