[Veritas]

Rather brief, wouldn't you say?

[Frenchy92776@aol.com]

well, what do u mean ?

[Veritas]

I mean you didn't go into too much detail.

[Frenchy92776@aol.com]

like what ?
by the way, how are you Doing ?

[Veritas]

I'm doing all right, thank you. What I mean by "going into too much detail" is that you are not creating a "word picture" in your readers' minds. You need to describe the time, place, setting, and the characters more so that your readers will be drawn into the story. For example, when you left off the little "bedroom scene" with "...and it went on from there..." you left your readers hanging. What went on from there? Don't be afraid to go into more detail in your stories. It will make them richer. When I wrote "Baptism of Fire", I did a lot of painstaking research about Tarot cards, the Wiccan movement, as well as about earthquakes in the Southwestern US before I typed a single line. It's the details that holds a reader's interest, not just the narrative.

[Frenchy92776@aol.com]

oh, ok i get what your saying.

[Frenchy92776@aol.com]

Chapter 11:



Sandra Remembers The Night That They " Did It" . They were alone, And Criss turned On music. Criss Said," are You Sure You Want To do This ? " Sandra Said," yeah, i'm Sure. " Criss said," ok. " now, They Kissed, And Took Off Their Clothes . Sandra looked At Criss's Body, And liked What She Saw, Criss Did The Same. Criss Touched Sandra where She Liked To Be touched, And She Moaned. Criss Looked into her Eyes, And said," i'm Not Going To Hurt You, i Promise." Sandra Smiled, And She Said," I know." Now, Criss was on Top Of sandra, Rocking Back And Forth. Sandra Moaned, so Did Criss. They tried different Positions. one Position Worked For Them. Criss looked at Sandra And Said," how was That ?" Sandra Said," That was Great." Then, They Kissed.

[RACHEL02189]

Anybody got a towel my glasses are fogged up after reading that!!!!

[Veritas]

Well, you did add more detail, that's for sure.

[Frenchy92776@aol.com]

so, was that Good or not ?