Driving with the wife
A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirror pulls to the side of the road.
A minute or so after coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car.
The man says, "What's the problem officer?"
Officer: "You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you."
Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60.
Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80! (The man gives wife dirty look.)
Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks! (The man gives his wife another a dirty look.)
Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt!
The Man turns to his wife and yells, "For cryin' out loud, can't you just shut up?!"
The officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, Does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
Wife says, "No officer, Only when he's drunk."