The blues

[RACHEL02189]

This story is a personal one because I suffer from depression and I've come close to 'jumping the fence'
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The city of Las Vegas is buzzing with people getting ready for the day but for world famous illusionist Criss Angel he was getting ready for some company at his house Serenity. The door bell rang and Criss went to get it. He answered it and at the door is a lovely lady in a pair of black pants, glasses, white shirt, and heels. “Nice to see you Christopher is this your new house” she asked. “Yea Serenity come in Mrs. Sonnytag” Criss replied. She walked in with her briefcase. “I got to say Criss you’re looking much better than how you look a year ago” she replied. “Thanks why don’t we sit outside I have some tea waiting for us” Criss remarked. Back at The Luxor Costa and JD were working as Dave walked in. “Where’s Criss?” he asked. “What do you mean he told me he had a meeting with you” Costa replied surprised.

“That doesn’t sound like Criss consider half his job is to pull misdirection” Dave stated itching his head. “Let me give him a call” JD suggested. At Serenity Criss and Mrs. Sonnytag were talking outside as Criss ignored the ringing phone. “So how’s everything going?”she asked. “Pretty good I’m dating a nice woman named Sandra. Mindfreak is going on its sixth season and my show Believe has been selling out like crazy” Criss replied. “That’s wonderful it seems since you moved out of The Luxor your mood has changed” she stated as Criss smiled. “Yea from a guy who was hiding fifteen pounds of fat, eating fried and high calorie foods, spending any time I had to myself in bed in the dark to the guy who sits in front of you making the most out of life” Criss remarked smiling. “Well I’m glad you’re doing better but I have to ask you one thing why hide what you went through from your brothers?” she inquired.

“Embarrassment probably they know me as a guy who is the life of the party, who never let anything get to him, to the way I felt when my dad died” Criss replied twiddling his fingers. She put her hand on his. “Christopher it’s nothing to be embarrassed about being diagnosed with this” she assured him. “I know” as he let a sigh come out.

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“Christopher you here?”a voice called out. Criss looked up and saw David and JD standing there. “What are you guys doing here?” Criss asked getting up. “Us who’s this?” JD asked back. “I’m going to leave I’ll call later about our next appointment Christopher” she stated. “All right” as Criss walked her to the door. After she left Criss went back outside to clean up. “Criss who is that lady and why are you keeping her a secret from us?” Dave asked. “It’s private” Criss replied being vague as they followed Criss into the kitchen. “Come on Criss what’s going on are you in trouble with the IRS?” JD asked. “Guys it’s something I’m not ready to talk about all right” Criss replied. Dave and JD didn’t know what to say so they left. Criss sighed and finished cleaning up. While he cleaned up he started to remember what happened a year ago.

(Past)“Now after that Criss you’ve got two shows to do” Gerard said. Criss twirled his finger in air. “What’s that about?” JD asked him. “Nothing just in one of those moods I need a candy bar or something” Criss replied getting up. “We just had a lunch a hour ago Criss and considering what you had I’m surprised your stomach isn’t rebelling” Gerard remarked. “Yea fried chicken soaked in butter milk, a vanilla shake and cheese fries god I was feeling sick when I looked at it” Banachek stated. Criss left the room. (Present) God I was a mess he said to himself. When Criss got to The Luxor his assistant Nikki was arriving herself. “Hey Criss how’s it’s going?” pulling out some stuff from the back seat of her car. “Pretty good but I’ve got a problem which I have no clue on how to deal with” he replied leaning against her car. “My mom told me JD and Dave walked in on your session at Serenity” she replied shutting her door. “They thought your mom was an IRS agent than a therapist” Criss stated chuckling. “Criss why don’t you tell them what you’re going through” she suggested. “And get laughed at you and my mom are the only ones who knows and I want to keep it that way until I can figure out how to do this” and they walked in.

“Criss there’s no shame with having this problem it’s a treatable problem” she remarked. “Your mom said that the first time we met but it’s just something that I’m not ready to admit to my brothers” as Criss got the door for her. “Criss you make it sound like you’re being treated for drug dependence when it's something people get now and again” she replied. “I know maybe it's because of the feelings I was having and finally figure out how to fix myself” Criss explained. “Before I forget my mom gave me that prescription you needed a refill on” giving him the slip. “Thanks you can fill that later” Criss remarked. They walked in and Costa was waiting for him. “Hey Cost where’s JD?” Criss inquired as Nikki went over to her desk. “Do I look like his keeper?” he said angrily. “Don’t bite my head off what’s wrong with you?” Criss asked hanging up his coat

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“Criss are you sick?” he asked looking straight at Criss. “Why do you ask” Criss inquired getting a little nervous. “Was that lady JD saw helping you put your affairs in order” Costa asked. “Costa I’m fine I’m not dying” Criss replied. “Than who was that woman at Serenity don’t tell me you’re living beyond your means” Costa remarked. “Costa relax I’m not in debt either” as he sat down to work. “Well if anything is wrong you can tell us”. “All right thanks Costa” Criss remarked. Not realizing it Costa took Criss’s jacket and left the room. After Costa left Criss asked Nikki to go run some stuff up to Felix. “Sure Criss” and she left. After she left Criss looked at a photo of his father. (Past) “Christopher”. Criss opened his eyes as his brothers pulled up the shades. Criss pulled the sheets over his head. “Come on you’ve got a lot to do today” Costa remarked pulling the covers off of him. “Leave me alone!!” Criss replied. “Stop being a baby you’ve had a week to yourself so let’s get going” JD stated. As Criss set up JD noticed some sores on his back. “What’s up with your back you’ve got blisters or something” looking at them. Criss said nothing and went into the bathroom and slammed the door behind him (Present) The phone rang and Criss saw it was his mom. "Hey mom what can I do for you?” he asked. “I was wondering how you were” she remarked. “Pretty good but JD and Costa are acting crazy”. “Why?” she asked. “JD walked into my session with Mrs. Sonnytag this morning now they’re thinking the worst”Criss replied. “Why don’t you tell them the truth Christopher?” she suggested.

“I really don’t know how to mom” Criss said. “Why don’t you call your therapist and see if she can help you”. “All right I’ll see you soon mom,” and Criss hung up as Nikki came in. “Nikki I have some stuff to do in Believe if anyone comes looking for me”Criss said. “Sure” and Criss left. An hour went by and Nikki was working with JD when Costa came in. “Where’s Criss?”he asked. “Why?” JD inquired. “I must of taking Criss’s coat by mistake because I found this” showing JD the prescription. JD went to look it up on the computer. “Anti-anxiety medication why would Criss need this for?” JD inquired.

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“Doesn’t mom have a cousin that has Bi Polar?”. “Yea you think Criss is Bi Polar” JD said. “Maybe but we have to see Criss’s medical file” Costa remarked. “Not with out Criss’s permission maybe if we find out who that lady was at Serenity,” JD suggested. “Nikki can you bring up Criss’s schedule for today”. She brought it up. “This doesn’t make any sense it just says meeting at Serenity-tell JD and Costa I’m with Dave” Costa read. “We need to talk to Criss when he gets back” JD remarked. “And find out who that lady is too” and they left. After they left Nikki went into Believe where Criss was rehearsing. Nikki started to remember how Criss was like a year ago.

(Past) “Nikki have you seen Criss?” Gerard inquired. “He told me he was in Believe” she replied. “No god what is up with him” Costa asked. “One of his bikes are gone” JD added coming in.. “I think I know where he is let me go get him” Nikki stated. She grabbed her coat and left. She found Criss on a hillside that could see the strip including The Luxor from. “There you are everyone is wondering-“. Criss turned his head and tears were falling down his face. “Just leave me alone I just want to be alone!!” he said with angry as Nikki walked over to him. "Christopher I think I know what’s wrong with you and I can help you” she stated. “Nobody can help me not even me” he said turning back. “Criss you’re suffering from Depression. You have some of the signs: The weight gain, feeling of hopelessness, withdrawing from usually activities”Nikki explained. “Bull :mad: I know depression I suffered from it when my father died” he replied in angry. “Christopher I think it’s come back but it’s worse than what you went through the first time. If you don’t let me help you’re going to end up hurting yourself and I don’t want that,”she stated. Criss said nothing as he sat there. “How about this Criss I call my mom she’s a therapist maybe she can help you get out of this before it gets to the point where you may need to be commited for seventy-two hours"Nikki suggested. “All right” Criss remarked and she went to call her mother.

(Present) “Hey Nikki” Criss called out. She walked down as Criss jumped off the stage. “We’ve got a problem Costa found that prescription and they’re trying to figure out who my mother is to you. Criss you have no choice you have to tell them the truth”Nikkie stated “All right can you do me a favor give your mother a call. I’m going to need her help with this” Criss replied itching his head. “Sure and your mom called she got an early flight so I’m going to give her a call and see if she can join us” Nikki suggested. “All right” and Criss sat down. (Past) When her mother pulled up Criss was still in the same place. “Nicole what’s the matter why the emergency?” she asked getting out of the car.. “It’s my boss Christopher I think he’s suffering from moderate case of depression. I’m afraid it might jump the fence to severe” Nikki remarked as her mother went to talk to Criss. “Hello Christopher I’m Julia Sonnytag and my daughter think you’re suffering from depression” she stated sitting across from him. “I honestly don’t know what’s going with me. I feel helpless that I’m just in so much chaos I feel like I’m drowning” Criss replied wiping tears away. “Christopher why don’t we go to my office and we’ll talk” she suggested. “I’d rather stay here this is the only place I feel happy instead being in that jail” pointing to The Luxor. “Maybe you need to move out of The Luxor” Nikki suggested. “And go where I’ve got no home!!”he declared. “Christopher maybe it’s time to build Serenity” Nikki suggested. “Where?” he asked. “How about here I looked it up the land is for sale you can finally have the house you always wanted” Nikki remarked. Criss calmed down. “Christopher my daughter has filled me in on what’s going on and I think she's right you are suffering from depression and if we don't take control of it you may hurt yourself and I know your fans and family wouldn’t like that”. “So how do I take control?” Criss asked

(Present) “Criss you ready?” Nikki inquired coming back in. “Yea” and they exited Believe. As they headed to the door George and JD came out. “Where are you going?” JD asked. “Got a meeting to go to” Criss remarked. “And his meeting is on my way so I’m dropping him off” Nikki added and they left.

[RACHEL02189]

*These celebrities actually do suffer from Depression


As Nikki drove Criss was leaning back feeling frustrated. “You all right Christopher?” she asked. “Yea I just hate lying to them” Criss replied. “It’s all right Criss after you talk to my mom and figure out how to tell your brothers about what’s going on they’ll understand” she assured him. When they got there Nikki went to park the car as Criss went in. Criss walked in and Mrs. Sonnytag was waiting. “Thanks for meeting me” Criss said. “It’s no problem” she remarked. “Hey mom” Nikki stated coming in. “Mrs. Sonnytag since your daughter was the one who involved you do you mind if I involve her in this?” asked Criss. “No Christopher I think it would be a good idea” and they all went into the office. Once they walked in Dimitra was there waiting. “Hey mom thanks for coming to help” Criss stated hugging her. “It’s no problem Christopher” she replied. They all sat down and started to talk “So Christopher tell me exactly what your brothers are thinking is wrong” Mrs. Sonnytag inquired. “A lot of stuff from I’m in trouble with the IRS, into drugs, or something else. It’s just so difficult to figure out how to tell my brothers that I’m suffering from Depression” Criss remarked. “Criss I know it’s hard to tell people especially family that you have this I remember how hard it was for you just to involve your mother considering she saw you go through this when your father passed away” Nikki stated.

“Christopher I remember how much it hurt and the way you were acting when we told you to go to magic after your father died” Dimitra remembered. “Yea yelling at everyone to leave me alone, losing my interest in magic, crying at the stupidest times” Criss said. “That’s how depression is Criss. It affect your moods” Mrs. Sonnytag stated. “I know that’s why I feel embarrassed about it” Criss replied. “Criss you shouldn’t feel that way you know I suffer from it” Nikki stated. “I feel like I’m the only celebrity that has this” Criss replied. “Criss that’s not true they are a lot of celebrities that suffer from depression: *Billy Joel, Sheryl Crow, Simon Cowell, Ashley Judd, Delta Burke, even Jim Carrey so you’re not alone” Mrs. Sonnytag stated.

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Tears started to fall down Criss’s face. “You all right Criss?”Nikki's mom asked giving him some tissues to wipe his tears away. “I'm just apprehensive about how JD and Costa will act to this news” Criss remarked. "Christopher they'll understand"his mother assured him. I hope so Criss thought When Criss finally got back to Serenity with his mom JD and Costa were waiting with his manager. “What are you guys doing here?” Criss asked hanging up his mother’s coat. “We wanted to talk to you about what’s going on” JD replied. Criss got nervous as they walked over. They sat down as Criss started to crack his knuckles. “We just wanted to tell you that we’re here for you Criss and no matter what happens we have your back” Costa remarked. “That’s good because that’s the one thing I’ve been worried about” Criss replied. “Now we have a bag pack for you-“. “Wait a minute why do I have a bag pack for?” Criss asked a little confused. “Because we found a great place that can help you with your disease”Dave replied.

“What disease?” Criss asked thinking he about to be put into a psychiatric hospital. “We know that you’re Bi-polar Criss and this center can help deal with it” Costa stated. “JD, Costa, David Christopher isn’t Bi-polar” Dimitra replied. “Mom you don’t have to protect Criss anymore and neither does Nikki” JD stated. “Now why don’t we get going Criss before the press find outs” Dave suggested. Criss got up and felt like he was about to blow the roof off his own house. “I would rather let the press know what I’m going through. You know what JD, Costa, Dave get out now!!!”. Criss went into his office slamming the door shut. They all got up wondering what just happened. “Mom come on this isn’t good for Criss to ignore this” JD remarked. “Just leave and we’ll talk about it tomorrow” she said and they all left. After they left she walked to Criss’s office and heard him crying. She opened the door and saw Criss on the floor with his arms cross on his knees.

“They’re gone Christopher” she replied. Criss lifted his head as his mother sat next to him. “I can’t believe that they thought I was Bi-polar” he said. “It’s all right Christopher” she assured him. “This is why I hid this from them they’re not going to understand mom. Maybe I should just suffer in silence” Criss replied. “Christopher Nicole told me you were close to the serve side of depression and I don’t want you to suffer in silence your brothers need to know” she remarked . Criss said nothing as he put his head on his mother’s shoulder. Back at The Luxor Nikki was leaving when JD and Costa walked in. "What are you guys doing here?"she asked surprised. "Criss threw us out of his house when we mentioned sending him to a center that deals with Bi-Polar" JD remarked. "I think we should go to court and have Criss's medical rights taking away"Costa suggested. "JD Costa I think you need to lay off Criss" and walked off.

When she got to her car she called Dimitra to see how Criss is. "Hello". "Hey Dimitra it's Nikki how's Criss?" she inquired. "Frazzled and upset"she replied looking at him sitting outside looking at the stars. "Yea I just heard about it from Costa and JD". "Nicole I'm nervous about leaving him alone" she stated. "If you would like I'll join the sleepover so to speak"she suggested. "Thank you" and hung up. When she got there Criss was outside as Dimitra was making herself a sandwich. "Christopher do you want a sandwich?". "No thanks"he called back. A knock came to the door and Dimitra got it. "Nikki hello thanks for coming" giving her a hug. "No problem I talked to my mom she said if you need to ask her anything about Criss's condition she'll answer all your questions"she stated. "Thank you I'll give her a call" and she went into the office while Nikki walked outside. "Hey Criss" she stated. "Nikki what are you doing here?" he said surprised. "Would you like the truth or would you like me to lie to you?" sitting next to him. "Lie"he remarked chuckling. "I'm having an affair with JD so I'm just waiting untill Lynn leaves so I can go to his house"she remarked Criss laughed as Nikki did too.

"I swear I love it when you do that"he said smiling. "That's good your mother was worried you might jumped the fence to the severe side of depression" she admitted. "I never told anyone this but when you found me here on this land I was thinking of it" he admitted. "Well I'm glad you didn't I'd miss having you as a boss" she replied. "Do you think you can get a hold of your mom I want to tell the guys the truth tomorrow" he asked. "Sure why don't you go find your mom she's probably talking to her"she replied. The next day Nikki and her mother arrived and saw JD and Costa looking at them. “Those are Criss’s brothers JD and Costa over there” Nikki stated pointing to them. “I wonder where Criss is” she asked. "I hope he's all right "Nikki said. Her mother was about to call Criss when Criss walked in with his mother. “Thanks for coming I know we were going to wait a while but I need to tell them” Criss stated. “Where do you want to do this confession Christopher a church maybe?” Nikki joked which made everyone chuckle. “How about Believe Christopher” his mother suggested

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“All right mom why don’t you get JD and Costa and I’ll call Dave to come down to Believe”Criss replied. As his mother went into the office Felix came down. “Good morning Criss” he stated. “Hey Felix what are you doing here?”. “I invited him” Nikki replied walking over. Criss pulled her aside. “Why did you do that?” Criss asked. “Criss who would you rather he hear it from you or a tabloid?” she asked Criss. “Good point” Criss replied as his mother came over with JD and Costa who didn’t look happy to see him. “Why don’t we go into Believe” and everyone went in. When they came in Kayila was practicing. “Oh Kayila I’m sorry I didn’t know you were in here” Criss apologized. “If you would like me to go-“. Criss stood there for a moment thinking.

(Past) “Christopher”. He looked up with tears stain on his face. Standing behind him is Kayila. “Oh Kayila I thought I was alone” he replied wiping the tears away. “You all right why the tears?” she asked. “Just one those things with me I should go wash my face” and Criss walked off. (Present) ”Christopher” his mother called out as Criss came back to the present. “Kayila stay this is something you should know too” Criss replied and they walked down to the stage where everyone sat down. Criss went on stage with Mrs. Sonnytag on the floor. Then Dave showed up. "What's going on here Criss?" he asked. "Just sit David and Christopher will explain" Dimitra suggested and he did “I brought you all here to explain myself and who this lady is” Criss started pointing to Nikki's mom. “So who is she Criss?” Dave asked. Criss looked around as the words couldn't come out of his mouth. Nikki walked over. “You all right?” she whispered. "Come on Criss we have stuff to do today" JD called out. "JD keep your pants on Christopher are you ready for this?" Dimitra asked. “Yea”. Nikki walked off to the side as Criss took a breath. “Mrs. Sonnytag is my psychologist” Criss said as everyone went quiet “You mean you’re getting your head shrunk why?” Costa inquired. “Because last year I was diagnosed with a moderate case of Depression” Criss admitted. Everyone was talking as Criss looked around wondering if he had made the right decision.

“Is one of the reason you moved out was because of your depression?” Felix inquired. “I not sure Mr. Rappaport when I met Criss he didn’t look like the person he is right now” Mrs. Sonnytag replied. “I don’t believe this :mad: ,” JD yelled getting up. “I would know if my brother was :mad: depressed!!”. “JD Criss was suffering in silence but I saw the signs that you guys didn’t. The mood swings, the weight gain” Nikki remarked. “Than why involve mom than us Christopher?” Costa asked standing next to JD. “Because I saw Christopher going through it when your father died Costa” Dimitra replied. JD still didn't believe as Criss stood there feeling like he was invisible. Criss walked off but Nikki went after him. "Christopher wait a second" she called out as Criss stopped.

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"This was a mistake I shouldn't of told them" he stated as tears fell down his face. Nikki stepped closer. "Christopher don't say that it was a good thing"Niiki replied. "So why do I feel like I should jump off the Tropiciana right now!!" he declared. "Criss how long have you been having these thoughts?" Mrs Sonnytag asked coming over. "They sort of crept in last night I even had a dream that I did it"Criss replied as he sat down on the ground. "Criss if you're having these thought I'm thinking we should put on a seventy-two hour hold at a hospital so you don't act on them" she said. Criss looked at Nikki and her mom. "Maybe I should before I take it to the next level so to speak" getting up. "Criss what should I tell everyone?"Nikki asked. "Just the truth and I'll see them in three days probably" and he left with Nikki's mom. In the theater Dimitra was arguing with Costa and JD while Felix and Dave tried to figure out how to calm the situation than Nikki came out and everyone calmed down. "Nicole where's Criss and your quack of a mother?" JD inquired.

"She took Criss to a hospital for a seventy-hour psych hold"she replied. "Psych hold why?" Kayala inquired. "Criss had thoughts of ending his life and wanted to actted on them"she replied. Everyone went silent as Nikki stood there. "So this isn't bull :mad: Criss does have Depression" JD said. "And it just jumped the fence to serve"Nikki stated. Everyone was in shock even Dimitra who didn't see this coming. "So Criss is going to be gone for three days" Dave stated. "At the most untill the doctors think Criss isn't a threat to himself or others"Nikki remarked. "I never thought in my wildest dreams that this would happen even to Christopher" Felix said. "We always said Criss needed his head looked at"JD joked. "Real funny JD"Costa stated as Dimitra left but Kayila went after her. As everyone left Nikki sat in Believe thinking. "Nicole!". She looked up and Costa was still there. "What Costa?" she asked. "I was thinking and I didn't want to bring this up infront of mom or the others".

"And that is?"she inquired. "I think I missed the sign with Criss's depression"he replied. "What do you mean Costa?" she asked. "Last season when we were at the base I went to get him when I got there I saw him sitting there and when he started to put on the gloves I saw knicks on his wrists"Costa replied. "Costa it isn't your fault nobody saw what Criss was going through expect me" and gave him a hug. "Thanks Nikki" Costa remarked and left. After he left Nikki just sat on the stage when her phone went off. She saw it was her mother. "Hello hey mom did you have any problems. Yea sure I'll do that for him I love you mom and thanks" and hung up. The next morning JD was at his house just sitting on the couch when someone knocked at his door. "Come in" and George came in. "What is going on I get to The Luxor and Doug tells me that taping has been cancelled and Believe has been put on hold. I can't even find Criss and nobody not even Aunt Dimitra will tell me what's going on" he said annoyed. "It's complicated George"JD replied. "Come on JD we never hid anything from us and now nobody will tell me what's going on" he remarked.

"You want to know fine yesterday Criss admitted to mom, Costa, Dave, Felix, Kaliya, and me that he's suffering from Depression. Costa and I didn't take it well and-". "And what JD?"George stated. "Costa and I might of made Criss jump the fence that he got commited for suicidal thoughts that he wanted to act now"JD remarked as tears fell down his face. George sat down. "That's weird Criss being depressed I never saw it"George remarked. "Nobody did expect Nikki. She saw it and got Criss help now Costa and I might of thrown Criss back to the start line"JD said. Back at Serenity Dimitra was sitting outside just wondering how her baby was doing at a mental hospital. "Dimitra you here" A voice called out. She got up and standing there was Nikki with a bag. "Nicole what are you doing here?" she asked. "Before Criss went in he passed on a message to me and that's make sure my mommy's all right while I'm away". Dimitra smiled. "I brought some bagels if you're hungry" she remarked. Dimitra walked over to her and hugged her. "Thank you Nikki" Dimitra said. "For what?". "For seeing what was going on with Christopher before it got bad enough that I lost him"she replied. Nikki smiled and thanked Dimitra for saying that.

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If you guys are curious I'm using some of my own expierences with depression and info I've found on the internet

After Nikki and Dimitra had breakfast they went for a walk. "Nikki tell me something how do you know so much about depression?"she asked. "Well before I came to work for Criss I went through a dark time as they put it. My father who's a cop was off duty with me we went into a store and a minute later two guys came in with guns. They were robbing the place when they saw me and my dad one of them knew my dad was a cop and aimed the gun at my dad I watched as they shot him point blank ". "Oh my god". "A few months after everything I didn't want to go out, I would just hide in my room. My mom thought I was suffering PTSD but it wasn't untill my mom found me barely alive in my room that she knew that she had missed the signs of depression. After I recovered my mom commited me and I got the help I needed. My mom after she saw what I went through went back to school and got her master so she could help people like me and Criss with depression and other anxieties"she replied.

"I guess with what you went through the signs that Christopher has depression were calling out to you"Dimitra stated. "You could say that Dimitra". When they got back Dave was getting out of his car. "Hey Dave". "Nikki Dimitra how are you?". "Pretty good what can we do for you?"Dimitra asked. "Honestly after what happened yesterday I came to check on you"he admitted. "Well thank you David" giving him a kiss. "Nikki I got to say you're probably Criss's angel for helping him"Dave stated. "Don't forget my mom she's been helping Criss too"Nikki remarked. Dave's phone rang. "Hello yea thanks" and hung up. "Who was that?". "It seems someone leaked to the press about Criss and where he is. Nikki do you think your mom can help me with this?"he asked. "Sure let me give you her number" and put it in his phone. "Thanks" and left. At the hospital Criss was in a room being watched; Criss understood considering the reason he was there. The door opened and a nurse came in. "Mr Sarantakos your therapist is here to see you"she remarked. Criss got up and went with a nurse. In a room Mrs. Sonnytag was waiting as Criss came in. "Thank you" and the nurse left. "How you doing Christopher?" she asked as they sat down at a table Criss thought should be a lunch room at a high school.

"Better than I was when I came in. What's with the visit?" he asked. "It seems someone leaked to the media about your depression and rumors are going around that some of the stunts from season five was your way of-". "I get it" Criss replied. "Christopher your manger and I are working to control this untill you are ready to come out about your depression" she remarked. "Good but how's my mom considering her youngest is on a suicide watch" Criss asked. "She's good my daughter checked on her this morning Nikki told your your mother what she went through and how she knew what you're going through" her mother replied. "One thing I want to do is to tell my crew about what's going on. Then we'll deal with the media"Criss stated. "All right Christopher I'll see you later". "I'd hug you but they don't allow it considering" Criss said. "All right". Mrs. Sonnytag signaled for the nurse and they took Criss back to his room.

[RACHEL02189]

After the three days were up Criss was deemed sane enough to leave. At the hospital Nikki was there with Dimitra and Mrs. Sonnytag. "I wonder when they're going to relase Christopher?" Dimitra asked. "I hope soon before the press gets a hold of Criss getting out of here"Nikki stated twiddling her thumbs while she leaned against the car. It brought back memories of when her mother commited her but she was happy that Criss spent three days not as long as she did. The doors opened and Criss came out with Nikki's mom. Dimitra got out of the car and gave her youngest a hug. "It's so good to see you"she replied giving him a big kiss on the check. "It's good to see you mom you were on my mind while I was in here"he admitted. "Well Nikki and your brothers kept me from worrying". "I talked to Costa and JD they have the crew waiting for you back at The Luxor"Nikki replied. "Well let's get out of here I don't want to be back in here again"Criss stated getting into the car with his mom.

"Don't have to tell us twice" Nikki replied and they left. When they got to the Luxor the place had news trucks from probably every state. "Holy crap even CNN is here" Dimitra remarked. "Is it that slow of a news day that they think me being on a pysch hold is news worthy?"Criss wondered. "Why don't we go in the back way". "Can't JD said that the photographers are hiding out there but I know one place they won't be"Nikki remarked. At the delivery section they were unloading some food when a car pulled up. "Hey you can't park here!!" The driver yelled out. "Just dropping off something"Nikki replied. The door opened and Criss and his mom got out. "Thanks Nicole"Dimitra stated. "Now I remember why I have you on my crew"Criss added as they left. When they got to the front Nikki and her mom actted like visitors so the press didn't touch them. They walked in as Felix came over with a walkie-talkie in his hand. "Mccaffery I need security at the front I need the press on the other side of the street and not blocking the drive way. Also see if you can get those photographers out of the back too". "No problem Mr. Rappaport" McCaffery remarked over the talkie. Nikki and her mom walked over to Felix.

"Where's Criss don't tell me he wasn't deemed sane". "He's all right Felix he and his mom were dropped off at the loading dock so they'll be here soon"Mrs. Sonnytag remarked. "If Criss doesn't get lost there are more twist and turns down stairs than a maze"Nikki stated. Felix sighed. "McCaffery look on your screens and see where Criss is he came through the loading dock". "I got him he and his mom are in the grand ballroom and should be in the artuim in a few minutes" he replied.

[RACHEL02189]

After Criss and his mom came in he walked over to Nikki, her mom, and Felix. "Thank god I thought you got lost for a second there"Felix said Criss said nothing as he looked at Believe. I would known if my brother is :mad: depressed echoed in his mind. "Christopher"his mother said. He looked at his mother than walked over to the production office. Nikki went in and saw Criss just pacing. "Criss something wrong?"she asked. "I'm nervous about having another reaction like JD had or my fans leaving me or me back on a suicide watch for another three days"he said. Nikki sat Criss down. "I'm going to show you something that came in just yesterday for you". She went into the closet and took out a box of letters for Criss. "These are from your fans"she remarked and Criss read some of them. We're behind you Criss, You've helped me realize that I'm suffering from depression and I'm getting help, I suffer from it and there's nothing wrong with it Criss were from some of the letters he looked at.

"You shouldn't worry Criss your fans are behind you one hundred percent and your crew will understand. JD was just in shock that he didn't see the signs but he's all right now". Criss smiled and gave Nikki a hug. "What would I have done if you wouldn't around"he said. "You'd be suffering in silence or you'd be with your father" she replied. Criss came back out with Nikki and walked over to Believe. In Believe everyone was sitting and talking but when Criss came in the place was quiet. Criss got on the stage and stood there. "You're probably wondering where I've been for the past three days. It's because I was under a suicide watch"he stated. "What JD finally thought it was time"Banachek joked. The crew expect George and Nikki laughed. "I wish but it's because I wanted to jump off the hotel next door"Criss replied. "That's not funny Criss"Luke remarked. "Guys what I'm trying to say is that I've been suffering from a moderate case of depression that jumped the fence to severe enough for me to be put on a seventy two hour pysch hold"Criss replied. "So it's true that you have depression"Doug stated. Criss nodded. George got up and walked on stage. He said nothing but gave Criss a hug. "Thanks cous"Criss whispered in his ear. "I'm here for you cous" he replied.

[RACHEL02189]

After George finished hugging Criss he went back to his seat. "Criss I've got a question?" Luke inquired. "What is it?". "That day me and your brother got you out of your room and you had blisters on yor back was that because of your depression?". "Yea I would spend all my free time in bed in darkness"Criss remarked looking at the floor. "When did you realize that you were-" Banachek couldn't even say the word. "I had someone who realized it and with her help I got the help I needed and she's been there kind of like my guardin angel" Criss stated smiling. "Criss whatever happens we're behind you on whatever you need" Erich said. "Thanks". After everyone left Criss sat on the stage he looked at his wrist which had little scars on it. (Past) At the Airforce base Criss had finished shaving when he looked at himself in the mirror. Then he looked at his razor and took out the blade out of it. Criss put the razor to his wrist and cut it a little than again.

(Present) "Criss you all right?". Criss looked up and saw Nikki sitting infront of me. "I've got a confession this wasn't the first time I had those thoughts. Last year when you went to your cousin's wedding and I filmed my mine death episode I broke my razor and took the blade and nicked myself. For some reason I couldn't force myself to go deeper into my skin it felt like someone was holding my wrist preventing me from going deeper". "I think your father did that he didn't want you to end up with him just yet"she replied. Criss walked over to Nikki and hugged him as tears went down his face. Nikki just hugged him back. "Thanks for being there for me and my family through this journey" he stated wiping the tears away. "Considering me your guardin angel Christopher". The door opened and Dave walked in. "Criss NBC is here". "Do you mind coming with me?"he asked. "Sure" and they walked out of Believe.

[RACHEL02189]

Criss and Nikki went to a hotel room that Felix gave Criss to use for the interview. When Criss and Nikki walked in the reporter was talking to his camera man. "Christopher nice to see you again how are you" shaking his hand. "Good Chuck". Nikki stood in the background as they hooked Criss up with a microphone. "You all right for this?". Criss looked at me and took a breath. "Yea"Criss remarked. They started filming. "Well Criss tell me what's going on with you. First you were living at The Luxor now you have your own house which I got to say should be on the cover of Architural Digest now people are saying you had a breakdown" he stated. "First of all I didn't have a breakdown but last year one of my employees noticed a change in me that nobody else saw and she realized that I was and still am suffering from Depression" Criss replied.

"How did your family react to this?". "My mom helped me because I had a bout of depression when my dad passed away but I had a hard time telling my brothers wondering if they would hit the roof and JD did which as my friend puts it I jump the fence to where I was thinking of jumping off the hotel next door. That's the reason I was in a mental hospital for a pysch hold so I wouldn't be a threat to myself or thers"Criss replied. The interview went well and Criss felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulder. After the interview Criss was about to leave with Nikki when the reporter asked Criss who the employer was who realized what was going on with him. Criss looked at Nikki and she nodded. "It was me who realized what was going on with Criss". "But how exactly do you suffer from it?"he asked. "my mom a shrink so I knew some of the symptons" she said. "Criss you better not lose her as a friend"the reporter stated. "I hope I don't" and they left. After the interviewed aired things started to get back to normal or abnormal but as Criss got ready for the cement shoes demo people started to think that Criss's depression was jumping the fence to serve again. At his house Criss was thinking when Nikk walked in.

"Hey Criss"she called out. "Be right down"he called out. Nikki walked around and went into his office. She looked at all the acheivements Criss had even some of the awards that Criss has but it's when she turned to his desk Nikki couldn't believe what she saw. On the desk was a pad of paper and what looked to be some writing on it. She picked it up and read it as Criss walked in. He saw what she was reading and took it. "Is that what I think it is Criss?" Nikki inquired staring at him. "No" he replied. "Christopher please don't lie to me" she asked. "Nicole it isn'twhat you think it is". "Christopher I know what I read I've done one myself is what you just wrote true?"she asked. "Get out Nicole just leave!!"Criss ordered. "Christopher I'm going to talk to my mother and your brothers about what I just read before you do cement shoes" leaving the room. "You're going to rat me out" Criss replied following her "If it means keeping you on this earth a little while longer than yes Angel I will" and left.

[RACHEL02189]

After she left Criss sat down at his desk and grabbed his phone. He dialed a number and sat back. "Dr. Charlene Sonnytag's office how may I help you?". "Can I speak to Mrs. Sonnytag it's her patient Christopher Sarantakos it's emeregency"he replied. "Hold on". As Nikki pulled into her complex she saw Criss leaning against his bike. She turned off the car and got out. "What's going on here Criss?"she asked walking over. "You were right it was what is was. I was going to end it and make it look like an accident or something,"he stated. "After you left I realized you were right and I called your mom. She wants me to wait on cement shoes for a few weeks untill I can get my head on straight". Nikki walked up to Criss and gave him a hug. "So what are you going to do since Cement shoe is on pause so to speak?" Nikki inquired smiling. "Probably the Luxor Walk it was next on the list so to speak" he stated itching his ear. "That's good Criss you want to come in for a drink?" she asked.

"Why not I've never seen your apartment before" and they went in. The next day at the office Criss was going over some stuff when Sandra walked in. "Hey Sandra what are you doing here" giving her a kiss. "Well I wanted to see you I haven't seen you much" she replied. Nikki just watched as Sandra and Criss talked and made plans for tonight since Criss had a day off from Believe. "I'll see yea tonight" and Sandra left. Criss sat down with a big smile on his face. "Now that's what I like to see Criss you with a smile on your face"she replied. "I'm going to get a drink my caffiene buzz is wearing off" and Criss left the office. After he left the phone rang so Nikki answered it. "Hello Mindfreak production office". "Hello there Nic is Christopher there?". "Sorry Holly he isn't" she replied. "You might want to make sure he isn't hanging himself or cutting his wrist"she remarked with a bit of laughter in her voice. Nikki hung up on her as Criss came in. "Who was that?" Criss asked. "You're ex," she replied. Criss sat down and started to think. "What's on your mind Mindfreak?" . "Your mother thinks my depression started to go downhill when Holly broke up with me". "Come on Criss you're the one who broke up with her. I know you and her were so cute and lovely duffy but after a while you couldn't get past the fact that she dated Hef a guy who could probably be your grandfather. That's why you broke up in my opinion" Nikki remarked

[RACHEL02189]

"Yea maybe you're right"Criss stated. That night Criss and Sandra went to LAX for some fun. At the club Criss was getting something to drink at the bar. "One Martini and a beer" Criss asked. He gave Criss the beer but the Martini was blood red with a cherry stem shaped like a noose. "This isn't what I ordered Jack" Criss replied annoyed. "Can't take a joke Criss"he remarked giving him the real one. Criss took the drink and went back over to Sandra. "You all right Criss?" she asked. "Yea just a bartender being a wise :mad:" as they clinked their glasses. After the night ended Criss drove Sandra home. When Criss got home JD was waiting there. "JD what's going on is mom all right?" Criss asked. "I got a call from Nicole's mother Nikki tried to hurt herself tonight she's in the hospital". "What pushed her over the edge?" Criss asked. "Her boyfriend Marcus the marine who's overseas. He died a few days ago I guess Nikki couldn't take it,". Criss sat down. "I thought I should tell you in person". "Thanks JD" and JD left. At the hospital Nikki was in her room sleeping with her wrist were banadaged.

The door opened and someone walked in. Nikki woke up and saw Criss. "Christopher what are you doing here?" she asked as Criss sat down. "I had to see you and why you didn't tell anyone what happened that pushed you to do this"he asked. "I was doing good but I guess seeing you and Sandra made the feeling come back to the point where I couldn't handle it" she remarked with tears falling down her face. Outside her mother showed up and when she opened the door she saw her and Criss talking. Criss gave her a kiss and got up. When he came out Criss saw Nikki's mom standing there. "Criss I don't what it is but you are a great friend to my daughter". "I see that if it wasn't for Nicole I'd probably wouldn't of gotten control over my depression and I'd probably be up in heaven with my dad"Criss replied. Her mother gave him a hug and went in to the room as Criss left. The next day Criss was doing some work when George walked in. "Hey George what can I do for you?". "JD just told me that Nikki hurt herself". "Yea she's taking some time off" Criss remarked. "You look like you're ready for some time off too" he stated. "I feel like I should of seen it like she saw it with me"Criss replied. "Criss she hid it well and so did you that it took just her to realize you were suffering in silence"George explained. Criss smiled. "I guess that's another thing I'm good at hiding my feelings"Criss stated.

[RACHEL02189]

That night Sandra and Criss went down to Pure to blow off some steam but Criss couldn't stop thinking of Nicole. Criss got up and went outside as Sandra followed him. "Christopher what's going on?"Sandra inquired. "I just can't stop thinking of Nicole and why she tried to end her life" Criss replied looking at the tattoo of his parents' initals on his finger. "Come on Criss why should you care if some nut ball tried to off herself" she replied. Criss turned to Sandra in shock "Sandra she isn't a nut ball she's a girl who lost her boyfriend overseas" Criss said. "She probably tried to hurt herself just to get your attention she's such a drama queen"Sandra remarked. Criss couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth "You don't get it Sandra I've been in her place and what she needs now is to know that she's got friends and family that will help her deal with the pain she's going through". "What she needs is to locked up in a mental hospital that where those type of people should be" Sandra stated.. "You mean people that want to take their own lives"Criss replied. "Yes it's immoral you can end up in hell becase of it"she stated. Criss had enough of listening to this :mad: "You know what I'm going home you can stay here" and Criss went into his office to grab his keys but Sandra followed him.

"What is up with you. You've been up and down disappearing for three days than you take offense to my beliefs". "Because last year I tried to take my own life four times but Nikki saw what was going on with me and helped me!!!" Criss yelled. Sandra took a few steps back. "You tried to-". "I've been diagonsed as having moderate depression. Those three days I disappeared is because I was commited for having suicidal thoughts and almost actting on them"Criss replied. "So Nikki was your savior?". "She suffers from it too and she saw it in me. With help from her mother who's my shrink I've been trying to get control of my depression"Criss replied. "Does your family know?". Criss nodded as tears fell down his face. "Oh Christopher I'm so sorry for saying those things I-I-I didn't know". Criss put on his coat and left leaving Sandra stunned.

[RACHEL02189]

Criss drove for hours trying to clear his head before Criss knew it he was at The Valley of Fire. Criss got out of his car and sat on the ground as the car's headlights shined into the canyon. Criss just looked out into the canyons as thoughts of Death Crash played in his mind. (Past) "Criss this is like a level ten on the dangerous scale" his brother JD stated. "So what it's not like I've tried to hurt myself" Criss replied. "After White Death we thought this would be over and done no more of this dangerous life threating :mad: "Erich remarked. "If you guys don't like what I want to do there's the door" pointing to it. (Present) "Maybe my depression is making me do all these dangerous stuff. Make it look like an accident instead of suicide" Criss thought out loud. When Criss got back to his car he saw Nikki sent him a text that said:

CRISS,
I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE FOR ME LIKE I WAS THERE FOR YOU. YOU ARE A GREAT FRIEND AND AWESOME BOSS TO BOOT. SEEING YOU FIGHT AS HARD AS I DO WITH DEPRESSION IT MAKES ME STRONG UP UNTIL LAST NIGHT THAT IS. I LOVE YOU CRISS AND I HOPE YOU CAN KEEP UP THE GOOD FIGHT LIKE I'M ABOUT TO. SEE IN A FEW WEEKS BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER.

NIKKI

Criss smiled and felt a bit of weight lifted off his shoulder. When he got back to the house Sandra was there sitting at the front door. Criss got out and walked over as Sandra got up. "Sandra what are you doing here?" he asked surprised to see her. "I came to apologize for saying what I said. It was insensitive for me to say that you and to insult Nikki like that considering what she's done for you" she replied. Criss walked over to her and gave her a hug. "Sandra sometimes I think you're one of the reason I'm getting better with my depression". Sandra smiled and gave a Criss on a check. "Shall we go in". "All right" and they went in.

[RACHEL02189]

The next morning Criss arrived at The Luxor. He walked in and saw he was the first one there. Criss looked at Nikki's desk wishing she was there. Criss sighed and looked at some of the mail on his desk. After a while everyone showed up and went to work. During the afternoon Criss had an appointment with his shrink. In the room Criss was looking at the pictures of Nikki and her family. "Christopher nice to see you again"she remarked. "Thanks how's Nikki doing?" Criss asked sitting down. "Pretty good now how are you doing?" she replied. "Right now I feel like I'm losing Sandra". "Why do you think that Criss" she asked. Criss took a note out of his pocket. "She left me this note last night and left while I was still asleep".

Christopher,

After what you told me last night I need time to process the feelings I'm feeling so I think we need some time apart.

"So you think this is a message telling you that she wants out of the relantionship" she stated. Criss nodded. "It feel like I'm going backwards and I'm going end up back where I began. I don't want that" Criss remarked. At The Luxor JD was going over some stuff when the phone rang. "Hello". "Hey JD". "Criss so when are you coming back your run through for Believe is coming up,"he stated. Criss said nothing which was sending chills down JD's back. "Christopher are you all right?". "I don't know what I'm doing anymore it might be time to give up magic" he said. "Criss where are you you're scaring me" as Costa came in. "I just think maybe magic is the reason I'm fighting depression" Criss stated. "Come on Criss just tell me where you are and we'll talk about this". Costa saw the fear in JD's face. "Maybe I should just move out of Las Vegas and find something that doesn't have to do with magic". "Criss where are you please tell me" he asked again. Criss turned off his phone. JD hung up the phone. "JD what's going on?". "I think Criss wants be with dad"JD replied.

[RACHEL02189]

Somewhere in Nevada Nikki was at faculity just walking around before group. When it came time for group she went in and sat in a circle. "Now before we start today we have a new comer to the group". Nikki turned and being wheeled in by a nurse was Criss with his arm in a cast and couple of stitches above his eye. This spooked Nikki as she excused herself to use the bathroom before group started. She splashed some water on her face. When she came back the nurse asked Criss why he was here. "I drove my car off the road and when I woke up my arms were in restrains. They told me that I tried to end my life so my shrink and my brothers told the hospital to put the restrains on me so I couldn't hurt myself again"Criss replied. After group was over Nikki volunteer to bring Criss back to his room.

"That's nice of you Nicole thank you"the nurse remarked. As she wheeled Criss said nothing. "What made you drive your car off the road?" Nikki asked. "Like you I lost someone I loved Sandra left me a Dear Criss letter and I just lost it mentally" Criss remarked. "Criss are you copying me or something"she joked as Criss chuckled. When they arrived JD was there with Costa. "Hey guys"Nikki stated. "I guess you're here too". "Your mother did say this is the best mental health factulity in Nevada"Costa added. "I should get back just make sure Criss doesn't pop a wheelie in this"she joked. JD walked over and gave Nikki a hug. "The crew misses you"JD stated. "Tell them I miss them but I'll be back" and Nikki left. "I feel like an :mad: right now"Criss stated. "What you need is a better antidepressant"JD replied. "Does mom know what I tried to do"he asked. "Yes but we told her to stay where she was for a while". "And the crew?"Criss asked. "Don't worry about the crew or Sandra just get yourself together so you don't have to take up permanent residence in this place"Costa stated. Criss thanked his brothers as they gave him hugs. That night Costa went to Serenity to feed Hammie when he saw Sandra about to knock on the door.

"Costa nice to see you I was just about to knock on the door to talk to Criss" she remarked. "He isn't here Sandra" Costa replied. "He must be doing Believe I should go down to-". "Sandra Criss isn't at The Luxor either". "Than where is he Mexico, California, New York?". "I can't tell you I'm under strict oders by his doctor not to tell anyone where he is" Costa replied and went in. The next morning Nikki was having some breakfast when one of the doctors walked over. "Nicole can talk to you in private?". She finished her breakfast and went with the doctor. "Is there something wrong?" she asked. "I was looking through your chart and I saw you work for Mindfreak Production and our new patient is your boss. I noticed that your mother is his shrink". "Believe or not Doctor Monatag I realized what Criss was going through and asked my mom for help with Criss" she remarked. "Really". "I know it seems strange but Criss is a great guy and magician when he doesn't let his depression control him"Nikki admitted. "Thank you Nikki" and the doctor left.

[RACHEL02189]

A couple of days passed and people were wondering where Criss was. From drug rehab to alien abduction were the rumors. At the faculity Criss was looking out of the window when a knock came to the door. He turned and saw Nikki. "Hey Nikki" he said. "How you doing?" she asked. "So so still trying to figure out what's going on with me and if I'm ever going to be the same"Criss remarked. "Christopher there's got to be something that's making you do this stuff" Nikki stated sitting down. A knock came to the door and standing there was Nikki's mom. "Nicole what are you doing here this is for suicidal people you were taken off this ward a week ago"she replied. "Wait a minute who thinks I'm suicidal" Criss remarked. "Your brothers and me. Christopher you were going a hundred and ten when you went over that embankment if the embankment wasn't shallow you would of died" she replied. "And I told you and my brother that it was an accident I just agreed to a week here now your saying that I'm suicidal!!". "Criss something is troubling you and if we don't find out what's going on you may never leave this place"Nikki stated trying to calm Criss. "You can't keep me here doctor I've got rights!!"Criss remarked. "Criss your brothers commited you for your own health". Criss tried to leave but they grabbed Criss and restained him.

After they gave Criss a sedation medication Nikki left with her mother. "Mom are you serious if you can't control Criss's depression Criss could be commited and lose everthing he has in magic"Nikki said shocked. "Yes sweetie now go back to your room" she remarked. That night after everyone went to sleep Nikki snuck in to see Criss. "Here you go Nicole" one of the ordeals stated unlocking Criss's room. "Thanks Anthony I owe you" and walked in. She closed the door and unlocked the restrains as Criss woke up. He was surprised to see Nikki. "Nicole what are you doing you're going to get in trouble" he said. "Don't worry Christopher I wanted to talk to you alone" as Criss put his feet on the ground. "What do you want to talk about?" he asked looking out the window. "You Christopher something is triggering these feelings of wanting to die". "I wish I knew" he replied. "Criss if you don't figure it out you may never see Serenity, Hammie, your fans, or be in Believe ever again "she stated. Then Anthony came in. "Sorry to cut this short but bed checks are in a few minutes on this ward". Criss got back on the bed as they put the restraint now but Nikki saw the head nurse coming. Nikki slide under the bed as the head nurse came in. "Anthony what are you doing to this patient?"she asked. "I had to pee badly and I stop wetting the bed when I was three so I yelled untill he let me out to pee"Criss replied. "And I was putting him back in". "Did you keep the door open?". "I've never had an auidence when nature called before" Criss joked so the nurse left as Nikki popped up. "I see you can still think on your feet Christopher I have to get going before she does my floor" and Nikki snuck off.

[RACHEL02189]

A few days went by and Criss couldn't figure out why he was actting like this. Nikki's mother tried but she couldn't figure out it either. On a porch Criss was looking at the skyline. "They finally let you out" Nikki joked which made Criss smile. "I just wish I knew why I'm actting like this I had control over my depression now I'm losing it and my life as a magician is literally on the line"he replied. "Criss when did you dad pass away?"Nikki asked. "What does my father passing have to do with my depression?"Criss asked confused at the question. "Humor me Christopher"Nikki stated. "February 12 1998"he replied. "Christopher you came out about your depression to your brothers on your father's anniversary and that was the first time you had suicidal thoughts". "And I got the idea for season five on his birthday you think my father has something to do with my depression". "That's when you had your first bout of it according to your mother. Criss even thou it's been thirteen years since your father's passing you still mourn for him so much that your depression gets to a point that you want to die to be with me" Nikki stated. Criss said nothing and walked off.

[RACHEL02189]

When Criss got back to his room his mom was waiting for him. He gave his mother a hug. "How are you Christopher?"she asked. "Honestly I feel like I'm going in two different direction. One direction is telling me to forget about life, another one is telling me that I need to find out what's going on up here" pointing to his head. "Mrs. Sonnytag said that if you don't you may be staying here permently" she replied. Criss got up and looked out the window. "Nikki thinks it has to do with dad and his death"Criss stated. "Christopher I've been thinking that myself when your father died you stopped doing magic but when you went back it was like your father didn't died. I think you went back so you could stop thinking of your father's death". "But why is it hitting now I had control of it "Criss asked.

"Maybe that wall you built around your father's death is breaking and those feelings are coming back but stronger"his mother remarked. Criss sighed. "I know this is hard to relive the pain you had but maybe it's time to knock that wall down Christopher and let those emotions out" she said. "I don't know if I'm ready to let those feelings out" as a tear fell down his face. His mother got up and gave him a kiss. "I know you can Christopher"she stated. Criss gave his mother a hug and told her he loved her. "I know you do" and she left. As Dimitra was leaving she saw Nikki outside. "Nicole". Nikki turned and saw Dimitra. "Hey Dimitra how are you?" giving her a hug. "I'm doing good but I just hope that Christopher can get control of his depression" she worried. "Dimitra he just has to find a way too and I know he will" Nikki assured her. "Do me a favor Nicole I need you to look after my baby I don't want to lose him". "I'll try Dimitra" and gave her a hug one more time before she left.

That night Criss was laying in bed when a rain storm hit. Criss got up and went to the window as the rain fall. Criss could see himself back in the family home while rain could be heard outside. He walked into his father's room while everyone was surround him. Tears started to fall down Christopher's face. "You all right?". Criss turned and saw Nikki. "Nikki what are you doing here you're going to get into trouble"Criss said. She closed the door behind her. "Criss I wanted to tell you that in a few days I'm being released and I want to help you so when I get out I want to go back to my job instead of the unemployment line" she stated. "I think you're right my dad is the trigger" still looking at the rain. "Why don't you tell my mom this?". "I'm afraid to". Nikki went over to him and wiped a tear from his face. "Criss your father wouldn't be happy to know that he's the reason you want to die. You got to let go of that feeling that making the depression go from moderate to funeral so to speak". Criss smiled as Nikki left his room.

[RACHEL02189]

The next day Nikki was having breakfast as her mother walked in. "Good morning mom"she remarked. "I've heard that you've been talking with Christopher behind my back". "Mom I'm trying to help Criss as much as you are. I love Criss like a brother and I want to help him" she stated. "When I met Criss that day I saw in your eyes how worried you were for him"her mother remarked. "So what are you doing here?"she asked. "Criss wanted to talk to me I'll see you later". Her mother gave her a hug and left. In a private room Criss was pacing. The door opened and Nikki's mom walked in. "Christopher you're looking good considering the last time I saw you" as they sat down. "I've been thinking about what's going on and I think what's causing me to lose my grip on my depression" Criss stated. "What do you think it is?"she asked. "My dad's death when he passed away literally in my arms I felt lost. It felt like nothing mattered with out having my father around to watch me become what I've fought to become"Criss replied.

"That's when your first bout of depression hit" she replied. Criss nodded. "I remember just feeling like I was in this closed room with no way of getting out but after being told by my family and my mom to go back to magic I put those feelings I had and built a wall around them never to felt again" Criss remarked trying to hold back his tears. "But those feelings are breaking out"she remarked. "They would always appear around Febraury 12th and I would put them pack into the wall and fixs those cracks they came out of"Criss stated. "But it seems other cracks started to appear and the more you tried to fix those crack the more you started to feel those same feelings you had when your father passed"she replied. "But this time they were strong enough that I put my life on the line four time infront of all my fans. They were times where I would think of how I could die and make it look like an accident"Criss remarked wiping tears from his face. "Christopher losing family is the hardest thing to deal with. Nikki can tell you what happened with her when she saw her father die infront of her" she stated. Outside Nikki was wondering how Criss was doing. She knew what it felt to lose family espically a father. Maybe that's why she felt a connection to Criss. "Nicole"a voice called out. She turned around and saw her mother. "How's Christopher?" Nikki asked walking over.

"I think he's on the right road and I want to thank you for helping him get there" she remarked. Nikki gave her mother a hug. She walked over to the room where Criss had his back to the door. Nikki could hear him sniffing back tears. "Christopher" Nikki remarked. "Go away Nicole I don't want you to see me like this"he replied. She put her hand on Criss's shoulder. "What that you're human and you finally know what you're dealing with"she stated. Criss turned around as his face was tear stained. Nikki wiped Criss's face with her hand and gave Criss a hug as tears fell down both their faces

[RACHEL02189]

A couple of days later Nikki got out but Criss had to stay. Before Nikki left she told Criss to be strong and that he'd be out before he knew it. "Thanks"Criss said as Nikki gave him a hug. When Nikki got out she went to Serenity and when she got there the place was quiet. "Hammie"she called out as Nikki went to Criss's room where she found Hammie just laying on Criss's bed. She picked up Hammie and gave him a hug. "I know you miss Criss he'll be back before you know it" she said. "Who the hell are you and why are you in Criss's room!" A voice exclaimed. Standing in the door way is Sandra. "Sandra it's me Nicole Criss's assistant"she remarked putting Hammie down. "Oh now where's Criss nobody will tell me where he is". "A week ago Criss tried to kill himself and was put under a pysh hold by his brothers and his psychiatrist" she replied. "So what Criss told me is true he does have depression". "Yup and he's figured out the trigger to his depression so he's making progress"she remarked. "Nikki do you think you can take me to Christopher I need to talk to him" Sandra asked. "I can't Sandra Costa and JD didn't want anyone know about where Criss is for the fear of the press finding out" Nikki stated.

Sandra just looked at her than walked away. At JD's house he was thinking when the phone rang. "Hello" he said. "JD it's Nikki I just saw Sandra and she's wondering where Criss is". "Don't tell me you told her" he asked. "Not the whole thing but she knows that Criss is commited for his depression. JD she really wants to see Criss maybe seeing her will lift Criss's spirit" Nikki suggested. "I don't know Nikki we just want Criss to get better so he can come home". "Maybe Sandra can help somehow"she replied. "Let me think about it and I'll talk to you in the morning" he said and hung up.

[RACHEL02189]

That night Criss was looking out the window at the full moon and some of the stars. Criss couldn't stop thinking of his father and wondered if he'd be the same once he got control of his depression again. Christopher. Criss looked around but saw nobody. Then his door open and Criss walked over to the open door. When he walked out Criss was dressed in white. As he walked down the hall Criss saw other people also dressed in white. People standing in the doorway, sitting against the wall throwing Criss the peace sign and other people sitting on the nurse's station. Christopher could be heard coming from a pair of doors. Criss walked to the door and was just about to open them when he heard a baby cry. He turned and saw a little baby on the ground wrapped up. Criss went over to the baby and picked it up. The baby stopped crying and just stared at Criss. Criss looked up and saw Sandra walking over in a beautiful white dress. She walked over to Criss and gave him a kiss than put her hand on his shoulder as they looked at the baby.

Then Criss heard a smash he turned back to see Sandra and the baby were gone. Criss walked into his room to see himself on the floor with a puddle of blood. Criss saw his wrist were slashed than he saw the window was broking. "NO NO!!". Criss woke up and saw it was morning. He looked around and saw no bandages on his wrist and the window wasn't broking. Criss took a breath as the nurse came in. "I see you're up I thought I heard screaming". "No" and Criss went to get cleaned up. After he got cleaned up the nurse said he had a visitor. Criss walked out to the visitor's lounge and saw Sandra. Criss walked up to her and hugged her as tears fell down their face. "Oh I've missed you so much"she replied. "I've missed you too but how did you know where I was?"he asked. "Nikki brought me but she's going to be in trouble with your brother they wouldn't tell me where you were but she did" Sandra remarked. Standing in the doorway is Nikki who just smiled which Criss smiled back. As Sandra and Criss talked Nikki just watched when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She saw it's her mother. "Mom". "I see you brought Sandra to see Criss"she stated. "She and I had a long talk about Criss and what he's going through. She wants to help Criss as much as I do mom"Nikki replied.

As Criss and Sandra talked Criss looked up and standing there was his father in white. Criss got up and it seemed everything had stopped. "Dad" Criss said. "It's good to see you but I wanted to talk to you"he stated. "I miss you so much dad"Criss said. "I miss you, your brothers and especially your mother but Christopher you can't keep doing what you're doing. Let me go". "I don't know if I can dad everything that I've done you were always on my mind". "Christopher I'm right in here (pointing to his heart) so you don't have feel this way. You are going to have a lot of things coming to you and do me a favor keep Nikki in your life she's your angel in my book now go back to Sandra". Criss hugged his father one last time and went back to Sandra. Criss watched as his father disappeared than everything started up again. After they finished talking Criss walked over Nikki and gave her a hug. "Thanks Nicole for everything you've done"Criss said. "It's my pleasure Christopher". "You're like my angel in disguise"he said smiling which made Nikki smile back. Before Criss knew it he was finally out of the facuilty and back to his so called normal life. Criss worked hard to control his depression and with help from his friends and family including Nikki and Sandra finally got the control he needed. In the production office Criss was having a meeting when the phone rang so Jack got it. "All right I'll tell him," and hung up. "Yo Criss"he called out. "What Jack?" Criss said turning to him. "Is it time for John to make his appearance?"Costa inquired. "Yea she's on her way to the hospital so you better get going"he replied. "Wish me luck guys" as Criss grabbed his coat

"Call us when John's born and we'll start passing out the cigars"JD called out. As Criss drove to the hospital it seems everything was going his way: the lights were all green and not a lot of traffic on the road. When he got there Criss parked the car and jogged in. When he got to the the floor Sandra was there. "Hey just in time John's getting ready to come Nikki's holding on"she remarked. "Thanks for driving her Sandra" he said. "No problem I called her mom too". Criss gave his jacket to Sandra and went in. When Criss came in they were getting her ready. "You-made it"Nikki stated inbetween breath. "Do you think I'd miss this"Criss inquired walking over. "Is he the father?"the doctor asked. "No he's the god father can we get this going this kid wants out in the worest way"Nikki remarked as Criss snickered. In the waiting room Sandra and Nikki's mom were waiting. "I can't believe my daughter is having a baby". "I'm surprise she asked Criss to help her and be there when his god son would be born"Sandra added. "Think of it as pratice for when you and Criss have children" Nikki's mom replied. "Not for a while"Sandra stated. The door opened and Criss came out with the baby. "Meet John Samual" he said as the ladies walked over. "Oh my god he's so cute"Sandra said. "How's Nikki?". "Tired but good she wants to see you".

Her mother walked in as Criss sat down with the baby. "He's adorable Criss makes you want one doesn't it" she remarked. "Are you saying you're-". "No I mean when the time comes" she stated. Criss blew a sigh of relief. "Well I should bring him back to his mom"Criss replied. Criss got up and walked back in with John. That night when Criss got back to Serenity he felt happy. He sat outside in his hammock and watched the sky as he swung back and forth.

THE END...................................